Self-Esteem Issue: How to Work on It? (A guest post by Peter Minkoff)

We live in a world where we are constantly bombarded with the success of others. We see people who are admired for their achievements, their looks or their morals, and it can often leave us feeling very average or, worse, bad about ourselves. And low self-esteem can have a real impact on our lives because when we think we aren’t able to do something, we are often discouraged from trying to do it in the first place, and the negative self-talk can put us down and make us perform worse than we would if we believed in ourselves. So how do we fix a problem of low self-esteem? Here are a few techniques.

                    Focus on achievements

You are your harshest critic, and you are certainly aware of all the things in your life that you’ve tried, and that hasn’t exactly gone as planned. But focusing only on those things will leave you feeling like you’ve never done anything good. Instead, try and focus on the things that you’ve been successful at, the projects you aced and the times you really felt good about your achievements. This will help you realize that you are just human, with ups and downs, and that a few failures don’t define your ability to succeed in the future. As for the failures, they shouldn’t be ignored! If something didn’t go according to plan, there is a good reason for it, and finding that reason and confronting it, whether it’s something external or internal, will help you learn and be better prepared for the next time.

                    Work for the things you want

A lot of people fall into an enchanted loop of thinking that they aren’t good enough, therefore anything they try won’t work out, therefore they are a failure, therefore they aren’t good enough… There is exactly one way to break the cycle: change something. As the saying goes, your dreams don’t work unless you do, so waiting for something to happen isn’t a good strategy. If you feel bad about the way you look – change it! Whether that means joining a gym to build muscle and get energized, or scheduling a labiaplasty to feel more empowered by your own body, take ownership of your decisions and hold yourself accountable for the way you feel. Feeling sorry for yourself and changing nothing will get you nowhere. Changing the way you look can often make you feel more confident in your skills as well, just like being insecure in your looks will make you feel incompetent, so take action today.

                    Be your own motivator

It is great if you can find outside motivation in the people around you, your work or your hobbies, but all too often we are left to ourselves. And if you can’t get yourself to feel better, it’s nobody else’s responsibility. Try saying self-affirming things to yourself in the mirror every day. It might feel silly and stupid at first, but the more you do it, the more you will start to believe yourself. Tell yourself that you are beautiful, competent and that you can take over the world. Practice your power poses: Stand firm on both feet, with your hands out of the way, stretching yourself up into the sky. If you are doubting yourself, give yourself a pep talk, pat yourself on the back and loudly say “I can do this!” The more you get into the habit of doing this, the better you will feel and the more your self-esteem will grow.

Lastly, don’t beat yourself up about sometimes feeling down. You are allowed bad days and even bad weeks. As long as you can bounce back and not let that experience consume you completely, give yourself permission to cry, be mad or disappointed. Then pick yourself up, and try again, because as you have by now surely understood, you are one strong individual, and nobody is standing in your way except for yourself, so move and start chasing your happiness.

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